My life is chaos. I mean like, disorganized, unscheduled, toys everywhere, dishes in the sink, chaos. The worst part is...lean in close for this one...I secretly love it!!! I mean, I waited a lot of years to have cheerios underfoot everywhere I go. I am so thankful for the little people in my home who are master mess makers. I love the running around loudness and the giggles and tickles and kissing ouchies and mess that comes with being a Mommy. I am totally comfortable with chaos. I don't however, love settling in for the night with my husband, trying to ignore the toys that are literally everywhere and the guilty feeling about my disgustingly messy house before we go to bed at night. I wish for a secret cleaning fairy to appear each evening and put everything in it's rightful place.
The problem is three-fold:
First, my husband DOES NOT like chaos. He likes to have every single surface absolutely clear ALL OF THE TIME!!! I think if he were still a bachelor it is quite likely he wouldn't even have furniture because it would clutter up the floor. I am constantly begging to have another child and my poor sweet husband can't even stomach the thought of that. More children = more chaos. I say, bring it on! He says, shoot me, now.
Secondly, in order for that cleaning fairy to put everything in it's rightful place each night, everything would need in fact, to have a rightful place. That's kind of the main problem. Our chaos is so out of control that I literally don't know where to begin. I constantly buy random rubbermaid bins to solve the "play doh" chaos or the art supplies chaos, but then I don't have room in a closet somewhere to house those bins and they end up sitting under our counter in the kitchen so now I have "bin" chaos.
Thirdly, I am not proud of my mess. Everyday I wonder when I am going to get this area of my life under control. Each day I fail to do that and this causes some significant inner chaos as well. I'm not proud of shoving everything in closets when people come over. I'm not proud of the fact that last Friday I literally filled up 3 garbage bags full of stuff because people were coming over in 20 minutes and I had no time to sort/organize/clean-up so I filled up exactly 3 trash bags and shoved them in an already full closet. Classy. Chaos. I just don't know where to begin. If it was someone else's house I would know exactly what to do and in what order. In my own house however, I just can't be bothered to do it. When I get overwhelmed by chaos I just have a tea party with my daughter or take the kids outside to enjoy some outdoor activities while I frantically throw things in closets :-). See. I'm a mess.
The truth is, it obviously hasn't bothered me enough to motivate me. I will choose fun EVERY SINGLE TIME over doing something SOOOOOOOO boring as straightening up my house. I literally hate it. I takes away from precious play time. I become horrified at my house from time to time (particularly right before company comes over) but by the time they leave I'm on a social high and not even stepping on toys in the hallway can bring me down. If cleaning was a social activity, I would have the cleanest house this side of the Mississippi.
Cleaning is a solitary endeavor and therefore, not my thing!
I have significant fear however, that I am doing a terrible of instilling responsibility in my children. I do not want them to grow up comfortable with mess. I grew up in a very clean home as did my husband. I want them to be proud to invite their friends over. Please understand, I am not a hoarder, my house is not disgusting, it's just cluttered and I've had enough. Today is December 17th, 2013 and I am officially deciding that this is the last year of a chaotic house...at least as far as things that I can control are concerned. I am 38 and a half years old. Wouldn't it be great if before I was 40 I could stop wondering when I will get this area of my life under control?
I also have a sneaking suspicion that this will have some influence in other areas of my life that need control. If I get in the habit of self-discipline in this area, I will be exercising some greatly atrophied self-control muscles that I could use in so many areas...eating habits, exercise, quite time with Jesus, the way I speak to my husband, and so many more. I honestly don't know where to begin. That is what has kept me from starting. I use my 1 and 4 year old's as an excuse but the truth is, if it was a priority, I would make the time. So, today I decide that it is a priority. I don't know where to start, but I choose to dive in anyways. One drawer, one closet at a time. I just need to do it. I'm going to organize my chaos and live to tell about it.
Wish me luck!
