Still on the throne

I've had an awful week at work and it's only Tuesday. I have feared that this week would be difficult for a while and it exceeded my expectations. I won't say more than that because even though I haven't really shared this little blog with the world yet, I don't want to risk my big mouth getting me in trouble.

Let me just say, I love my job and I love the people that I work with. I love that I get to spend my work days doing something I truly believe in and I believe that my efforts are for eternal good. But sometimes it's still incredibly hard. I went part time after Finley was born. I only work two or three days a week and I get to be home with Finley which is an incredible blessing that I really didn't think would be possible. I love, love, love being home with my sweet girl. It's my dream! It's the job that I live for and my other job is just my work. I love my work though and I've invested 12 years because I'm passionate about it. It's been a hard week and I feel discouraged. The deep down kind of discouraged.

I have a silly saying that I've become a little bit "known" for. When things get tough or I feel like I'm a bit at the end, I always say "Jesus is still on the throne." It's a good little cliche to help gain some perspective. To be honest, I usually say it a bit trivially, like when I fall in love with a pair of shoes and they don't have my size or when I drip hot sauce on my pants. I obviously say it quite a lot because I have quite a few friends who've started saying it too. I don't want it to only be cliche. I truly want Jesus to be on the throne in my life. I want that to be the thing that keeps my life in perspective. Jesus is still in control. God is still God regardless of the climate of my life. My life has held deep wounds, but my God is deeper still. He is still God no matter how deep down discouraged I feel. He is in control. Always.

Two things I know:
It's been an awful week.
Jesus is still on the throne.

Delicious!

I had a great friend over for lunch on Thursday and I felt inspired to make one our favorites:

It's one of Barefoot Contessa - aka Ina Garten's amazing recipe's. It's the perfect lunch and I occasionally add chicken and serve it for dinner. It's the perfect all in one meal, combining protein, carbs, and veggies all in one dish.

Of course I served it with a french baguette (I never miss an opportunity to squeeze in some bread with fresh salty butter!) and to drink we simply had water served in a pretty pitcher with ice and a sliced blood orange. Refreshing and beautiful! I made a lemon cake in a bundt pan with a simple glaze of powdered sugar and lemon juice. It's pretty much sinful it's so delicious! It was so tasty we ate it for dinner that night too. I have probably made this 20 times and not once have I ever thrown even one tiny morsel of it away. We eat it again and again until it disappears. That's my idea of a successful recipe!

Ode to 2010

I can't even began to process the happenings and emotions of 2010 in one blog post but in an effort to recap I figured I would highlight some key moments of last year.

In 2010:

• I struggled to watch my born too early daughter fight for every breath, and fight for her very life.
• I fought with doctors that I loved and respected to try new and un-tested methods to teach her to eat so that I could bring her home.
• I prayed more than I ever have in my life.
• I felt more fear and hope simultaneously than I could have imagined possible.
• I was wheeled out of the hospital with my arms full and my heart overflowing as I took my beautiful, perfect, miracle home.
• I got spit up on, pooped and peed on, and lost hours and hours and hours of sleep and realized that even miracles are exhausting.
• I heard my baby laugh for the first time and I was awestruck.
• My cheeks have hurt from laughter more times than I can count.
• I kept meaning to get more done. I dreamed of cleaning more, organizing better, cooking more, sewing more and exercising more.
• Instead I laughed more, hung out on my floor more, snuggled more, sang more, and got more slobbery kisses than I could have ever wished for.
• After 11 years I stopped working full-time and became a part time employee and full-time Mom.
• I am still figuring out how to do a good job at both.
• I sometimes miss my "career" but I would trade a thousand careers for the chance I have now to be home with my girl.
• I missed my son desperately.
• I learned that sorrow and joy are not mutually exclusive.
• I watched my husband become a Dad and I have never loved him more.
• I watched my parents become grandparents and they are perfect.
• I learned that I serve a God who is trustworthy in times of sorrow, and in times of joy just the same.

I am thankful that 2010 was better than the year before, and am looking forward with great hope toward 2011.